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Monday, January 5, 2009
I've been doing a lot of thinking here lately. Scary...I know. Me in deep thought. I've been thinking a lot about my hopes, dreams, my future. When you are young, say in your early 20's it seems that you have all the time in the world. I put off doing things because HEY! I've got nothing but time. I've got the rest of my live. This kicker is...THIS IS THE REST OF MY LIFE.
I will be 31 this year. 31. And I hate it. I feel like my 20's are gone and I don't really know what happened...I mean I know what happened. I was busy being a wife, getting pregnant, having babies, raising kids...I was living life. And then I blinked..and 10 years are gone.
SO...as the first full year of my 3rd decade is rapidly coming to a close, I am faced with a choice. Do I continue to plod through my life as I have, being a busy mom and a dedicated wife? Do I continue to be happy with the status quo? Will I continue to be satisfied with this? And the truth is, I don't know. I hope not. I hope I can make some kind of difference in this world. I hope that I go to sleep every night leaving this big Ol' sphere a little better than it was the day prior.
That's why I am declaring this year..the year of the MOM...more specifically the year of THIS MOM. And with that declaration, here is a list of my hopes. The things that I do not want this year to pass by without me accomplishing....the things that mean the most to me. THIS IS MY YEAR...EVERYBODY LET'S CHEER....THE TRISTA TEAM IS GOING STRONG...SHE'S GOING TO ROCK THIS PLACE ALL DAY LONG!
IN 2009 I want to..
1. Further my relationship with God. I have let that fall by the way side this year in my dissatisfaction with the explosive growth of my Church....I need to stop using that as an excuse and get my arse back to the Church.
2. Be a better wife. Now..I consider myself a good wife...I listen, I am there when needed, But there are small things that seem insignificant that aren't and I can adjust those.
3. Spend more time with my children. read books, play games...Treasuring the time because as I age, so do they and while I morn my youth, theirs is quietly slipping away as well.
4. Be less vain. Ok..here is a little known secret about myself. I avoid uncomfortable situations like no other. I recently didn't attend an old friend's mothers funeral because I was afraid I would run into people and I am not proud of my appearance right now....I really feel guilty about this. I regret it. I let my own insecurities keep me from being a supportive friend.
5. Take control of my health issues...thyroid, wheat sensitivity. This one wraps up weight, eating and exercising issues all in one.
6. Have more sex...self explanatory.
7. Spend more time with my grandmothers....The stories they can tell, the things they have seen are amazing. Why I don't run to be with them every chance I get is beyond me.
8. Love myself...this will be the hardest. I have always had this "I am not worthy" complex. Even as a child, I never felt I was worthy of anything. I think this is why I have such self esteem issues. This I want to change....I want to love myself so that I can love my children, my husband and others better.
SO there you have it...this is my list of things that I want to change. Things that need to change...I only hope I can stick to them.