What if....Vampires and soulmates.

Well, Thanksgiving is over and it's time to start thinking about Christmas. This year, like the last few, has seemed to fly by. Days go faster, weeks seemed to end before they start, and the months all run together. Time passes by....

So, I have been reading the twilight series books. You know..the teenage vampire love story. And they are ok. I can read them quickly because they are written on such an easy level. I can't really say I have enjoyed the books as much as I have been intrigued by the feelings these books stir up.

Here are the cliff notes version on the series (as I see it now...I am only half way through the 3rd book): It's about soul mates and love...the kind of love the hurts when you are apart.. AND of course there is the whole vampire, werewolf thing thrown in. It revolves around a human girl and a vampire guy. There is bloodshed, fights, parental issues, break ups and get back togethers...it's basic teenage angst.

What does this have to do with a happily married 30 year old mother of two? Simple! We all have a "what if " person. You know...the "what if we had dated.... what if we had gotten together....what if it had worked out...what if we hadn't broke up" Whatever your "what if" situation is, we can all relate. And, for me, thinking about my own "what ifs" is not about regrets or doubting the love I have for my husband. Because I don't, not even in the slightest. I am where I am supposed to be. I am happy to be here. I am with my soul mate...and very lucky to be. HOWEVER, This series makes me think about being young, about my teenage years....and about my own "what if" person.

15 or so years ago...There was another. Once in a while, certain things remind me of him. Like rain, teenage love stories, the movie "Pure Country"..because I first watched it in his living room. And although what we had wasn't real in the sense that we actually were together for a long period of time, I loved him....and that love, however youthful, was very real for me. For most of my teenage years, I was torn between two people. Greg and him. I loved both for very different reasons. But it was there..the love for both of them. Just like Bella in the books.

Maybe the reason these books stir up so many emotions is because I consider myself somewhat of an empath. I feel what others are feeling. I ache when they ache....and when the book starts talking about the hole that Bella felt when she couldn't be with Edward...I could feel it too. And when she began to have feelings for Jacob, I could feel that too. It feels like betrayal and happiness all in one. Because I remember that feeling...that hole, betrayal and happiness.
Even though I dated Greg most of my high school years, I somewhat maintained a friendship with him. It always felt like betraying Greg on my part. And, although I was and still am hopelessly devoted to Greg, there was always a small place in my heart for him. He is my "what if" person. So far in the 3rd book, Bella often wonders about Jacob. I can totally relate to that.

But the book...it stirred up all those teenage feelings, the longing, the aching, the love....AND if for no other reason than that, It was nice to feel those strong emotions again. I think that as we age, we dull a little. We forget those life altering emotions, the pain, the pleasure and everything in between that comes with the raging hormones of growing up. As Bella picks one over the other, she realizes that she will lose one......and I guess that made me think about myself as a teenager. Picking one love over the other and dealing with it...because you can't go back. You can't change your mind. Things change, people change...we changed. It all seems so final. And it really is...or should I say, was.


Although from a literary standpoint these books pale in comparison to the classic love stories of the past, I completely get the reason behind the phenomenon. If you let it, the story taps into your inner teenage love life memories. If you want to take a trip down memory lane, if you want to remember what it felt like to love like a teenager...I suggest reading at least the first and second books. It was a good time...it felt good to remember the things that were so important to me 15 years ago. I got to revisit the things that helped shape me into the person I am today....and I am thankful for that.

I am really hoping for a happy ending for this series...I hope that Bella picks her soul mate and they live happily ever after...vampires or not. I believe I picked my soul mate...and we are together, hopefully forever. And although it may not always be "happily ever after', we are secure in our relationship, confident in our love for each other...So confident that I can write an entire blog about my "what-if" person and be totally comfortable with Greg reading it. Greg knows, KNOWS how lucky I feel that he chose me..still chooses me when it would be so easy to find someone new. I am the luckiest woman in the world...for I believe I experienced the rip your heart out kind of love twice in my lifetime...AND I was lucky enough that one of those loves decided that he couldn't live without me either.


Much love!