For those of you who know me well....You know that I am NOT a crier. Never really have been. Over the years life has hardened me further and I keep my feelings inside where nobody can see what I think. I am prideful and I don't like people to know that things get to me. I take things in stride and just keep on going. Trucking through life, shifting gears and blaring that air horn. 10-4 Good Buddy, I got stuff to do. I am not really sentimental and I don't keep very many mementos from years past. It's just not me. I live in the now.
However....Today, I have been remembering things that used to be important to me. I have been thinking of people and family I no longer talk to (other than internet networking), things I love that I've lost,....Dreams that I used to dream. My 31st birthday looms dangerously near and I can't help to think that I am on the cusp of a change. I am teetering on the edge of middle age and I am reluctant to give up my youth.
So, as I sit here, listening to old Garth Brooks Songs...(remember him??), my mind is drifting over the last 30 years and some of the things I miss...such as....
when Santa Claus was real
Playing outside all day
Swings and curly slides
The house on Southport Road
Seeing my Granny almost every day.
The Maple tree in her front yard
When Dandy lions were cool
Line dancing, lacer ropers, cowboy hats and wrangler jeans...ah, the country me.
Navy perfume and Stetson cologne
THE STATE FAIR
My 4-H friends.
High school and the people I left behind.
My children...when they were babies, their smell, the feel of their soft baby skin, kissing little bald heads damp with bath water...
My husband and me when we were first married and still excited about everything.
My Monte Carlo named Cherry red
The feel of my house when it was brand new..
My brothers when they were younger
My parents when they lived here
When the world was always good.
When people were good
When living didn't scare me
What has brought on this wave of nostalgia? My husband's first cousin died. Suddenly, from what they said is a massive heart attack. And although He was several years older than us, his unexpected death has rocked the Evans family to core.
And it's made me think about how fast life goes. How we blink and another year is gone. How suddenly and without warning...it can be over. I don't want to waste another moment on trivial stuff. And as I sit here listening to the music from my teenage years, I am thinking about life, John J. and his family and how terrible this must be for them. I just might shed a tear....
For him, our family, and the things I miss.
4 days ago