Thursday, December 4, 2008

We lost the puppy!

You've seen Sophie. She is that adorable weenie dog I posted about here

Well, Claire is IN LOVE with Sophie. In love is not even the most correct description... more like infatuation. After a few hours of Claire's on again/off again crying-literally crying! with the tears and the snot and the laying on the floor kicking-because she missed Sophie, we called Megan to ask if Sophie can come play with us during the day today. daughter makes play dates with a dog. Won't she be popular in school? I love that she is so passionate about animals but I sort of hope she lightens up a little bit. I went to school with a girl that was crazy about cats. Now, this girl was smart, very nice, a good person and I enjoyed her cat stories...but after a while I was all like DUDE...we are Juniors in high school, don't you want to talk about guys and guys butts and guys? No, instead she was known as the girl with the cat stories. People, teens especially, can be so cruel. Naturally, you'll understand why I don't want Claire to be "that" girl. I don't want her to be carrying those obnoxious LISA FRANK folders in high school....that would so not be cool.

Anyway, where was I? Sophie and the play date. Megan shows up with Sophie today and we have a blast with her. Everyone fights for a moment to hold and play with her. Claire gets down right mean, she doesn't want anyone to do anything for Sophie. Claire wants to do it. The kid even cleans up poop. She's 5, ya'll. Megan comes back this evening and little miss Vivian Claire talks Megan into letting Sophie stay all night. GOOD LORD! Now we are having doggie sleepovers. Honestly this isn't the first time Sophie has stayed with us...she was here when Megan's dad was in the hospital, she was here when Megan's Fiance was sick and she stayed over on Thanksgiving because Megan was here late and had to work the next day. This is, however, the first time she is staying just because Claire wanted her to stay all night.

We even took Sophie to gymnastics this evening. She was a hit, everyone wanted to hold her. She pee'd the floor there and everyone was like..."look, she's peeing! Isn't that adorable?" Seriously, that is the kind of power this puppy has. She makes gross bodily functions look cute. It's a little disturbing. When we got home, I immediately began my nightly cleaning routine. I didn't get to do it before gymnastics because Claire and I dyed Megan's hair for her. WHICH-btw-my hands are still itching from the gloves! Thanks, Megs! :)

As I was cleaning, vacuuming, sweeping the floor, My brother Jake and the kids were playing a rousing game of Hide and seek. Sophie was sitting in the recliner. Everyone was hiding, counting, shouting Oli, Oli, Oxen, Free and then I noticed that Sophie was GONE! DUH DUH DUHHHHH!

What transpired next can only be compared to clowns at a circus. For fifteen minutes, the four of us were frantically searching for this dog. I am the only one not panicking at first. Claire is hysterical. She is screaming Sophie in her shrill voice...if you've never met Claire and her high pitched screamy voice, you're lucky. If you ever get to experience the Claire sound machine, your eardrums may never be the same. I am just warning you. I can only describe it as nails on a chalk board that is IN YOUR FACE!

We look under every piece of furniture. We run through the entire downstairs. The kids are opening closets, cabinets, the downstairs bathroom, laundry room. We leave no door unopened, no couch cushion unflipped. By this time, Claire is crying..."Megan is NOT going to be happy" she says. Jayden is freaking out and even Jake is starting to get all worked up. I keep telling them, "GUYS! It's ok. She is little and small and all that teeniness makes it easy for her to hide. She is probably just curled up on some random piece of fabric, sleeping" We move dirty clothes in the laundry room. No Sophie. We move coats in the coat Closet..(WTF! WHY are there coats on the floor of the Coat closet. Dear family...Hangers! Find 'em and use 'em. It's not like the are wire or, mommy dearest.) We move the stack of blankets we keep in the living Sophie. I deduce that the dog must have made her way up the stairs...a nearly impossible feat because her legs are not even 2 inches long. I don't really think she can make it up the stairs but I was starting to think there was no other possibility.

The kids run upstairs and start looking for her. I can hear them moving around, opening doors, yelling...Claire crying. I check the garage, just in case she slipped out there during the hide and seek game. NO SOPHIE! This is where I have my mental breakdown. OMG! How am I going to tell Megan that I lost her my own house. My house is not that big! I start having random thoughts..I flash back to x-file episodes..maybe Sophie is SOOO cute that other-worldly beings abducted her from right under our noses. I ruled this out with a quick check of the clock. I wasn't missing any time. Don't most alien encounters cause missing blocks of time? Then I thought...What if the rapture happened and God only took dogs because are the more like Jesus than most people..OMG...WHAT if GOD is a dog. HE is the ALPHA! Dogs run in packs and call their leaders Alphas! What if heaven belongs to the dogs and life here is a test to see how we treat them here...I am pretty sure I have swatted all of my dogs a few times..Am I going to be doomed to a life of scooping poop and expressing anal glands????? A very clear voice enters my head and says "GOD IS NOT A DOG. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!" I am not sure if it was my conscience or God himself talking...but I am pretty sure He probably didn't like me pondering about Him being a dog. (note to self: SELF, better put that on the list to ask forgiveness for. Amen)

By this time I am starting to hyperventilate. Not only have I lost Megan's puppy, I am freaking myself out with strange conspiracy theories AND hearing voices. I stand and the kitchen and just look around. I can't believe we have lost the puppy. In. My. House! THUD, THUD...SCREAM!!!! Holy cow, Claire has lost it. I run upstairs to calm Claire down as she has literally melted into a pile of sobbing goo on her bedroom floor and just as I am picking her up trying to reassure her and myself that yes! we will find the dog. She can't just disappear... Jake Yells...WE FOUND HER!

Where was she? Downstairs, behind a box of toys that I keep for my daycare kids. I am pretty sure I looked there but yeah...she was there. Just sitting there, like "Hi! What's up? Can I have dinner now? OH and I peed on the floor, you might want to clean that up or something" We can't get our hands on her fast enough. She is passed from one person to another...kisses ensue, hugs happen and we are all just grateful to have finally found her. And I am still just a little shocked that she even jumped out of the recliner in the first place.

And that is how we lost the puppy. Right now, Sophie and Claire are in the living room. Claire is singing her made up songs about finding her with a little "baa, ram, ewe" from the movie BABE thrown in. I just sifted through my craft stuff for a jingle bell to tie around her neck so we can hear her when she wanders. Jayden was so exhausted from the search and the stress that he put himself to bed.

That's where I am headed too...BED! I am finally feeling better, ya'll. and tomorrow starts the weekend. Something tells me that I am going to need to be well rested for it.


"Sophie sleepy! Hide and seek make Sophie tired"

"Red no play hide and seek. Red no hide from
hand that feeds him. Sophie iz stupid puppy"

What?!? They are dachshunds. Of Coarse they have german accents.

No comments: